


MacArthur and Kitty Play Hong Kong 97

by UltimateWarriorFan4Ever



Category: Angry Video Game Nerd (Web series), Total Drama, Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race
Genre: Explicit Language, Games, Rage, Ragequit, Video & Computer Games
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 17:09:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11017824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateWarriorFan4Ever/pseuds/UltimateWarriorFan4Ever
Summary: What happens when our favorite police cadet and Emma's sister end up enduring one of the most absolutely worst video games of all time just by playing it? Well, what they will go through will definitely scar them, and you, for life. Inspired by an Angry Video Game Nerd episode on YouTube.





	MacArthur and Kitty Play Hong Kong 97

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Total Drama, The Ridonculous Race, and any of its characters. Total Drama, The Ridonculous Race and its characters are owned by FreshTV, Jennifer Pertsch and Tom McGillis. I figured I'd do a random, yet humorous one-shot that has MacArthur and Kitty playing the worst video game ever made. Of course, I was inspired by an Angry Video Game Nerd episode where he reviews "Hong Kong 97", which the girls will be playing for sure. So here you go, hence the title. Enjoy!

Kitty was at her apartment looking up at things online for her to buy. It has been two years since Ridonculous Race had ended and Kitty ended up using her own college money to get her own place, alongside a job as a game designer for a multi-million dollar company. So far, Kitty was on Amazon, checking out some rare scratch and sniff nail polish.

"Hmmmm, I wonder what sounds good?" Kitty replied. "Maybe the strawberry-flavored nail polish or the taco-flavored nail polish, although I don't want everyone to mistake I've already eaten a taco. Maybe I'll choose Strawberry."

With a smile, she clicked on 'send', therefore confirming her order.

As that happened, MacArthur (one of Kitty's best friends) came barging in through the door with three boxes of pizzas, cokes and a huge game console on top of the boxes.

"I'm back home with the pizzas!" MacArthur exclaimed. "Plus, I scored me an awesome game console!"

"Really? That's awesome!" Kitty exclaimed, grabbing the pizzas off of MacArthur's hands.

"Yeah, I brought this sweet baby at a Pawn Shop on my way back home." MacArthur smirked. "Wouldn't you believe this fuckin' son of a bitch cost me like $20 bucks? That's way frickin' cheap than gas these days!"

"No kidding." Kitty nodded, after opening up a steamy pizza box. "Mmmmmm, Pepperoni." She said, grabbing a slice.

"I think this is made in Japan," MacArthur said, checking out the game console. "Something called the Super Famicom. It's like Super Nintendo, but with a crappy name."

"Wow, what did it go with it?" Kitty raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, just some controllers and a game I never even heard of," MacArthur shrugged. "It's called _Hong Kong 97_."

"Sounds very interesting. Where's the game?" Kitty replied.

"Oh, here it is." MacArthur said, handing her the game.

The game box showed an image of Bruce Lee and a bunch of Chinese soldiers covered in gray behind him. And behind the gray Chinese soldiers was a picture of the leader of China, Deng Xiaoping.

"Oh, so it's an action game?" Kitty replied. "Sweet! I love beat em' ups."

"I don't think it's a beat-em-up." MacArthur shook her head. "The person who sold this to me told me it was a shooter."

"Who cares as long as I play?" Kitty shrugged.

After taking off a couple of slices of Pepperoni Pizza and pouring a glass of coke, Kitty headed over to the couch where MacArthur was busy hooking up the game console. After that was taken care off, MacArthur turned on the game as Kitty grabbed the controller.

The first thing that popped on the screen was a language select screen, choosing from Chinese, Mandarin and regular English.

"Okay, I'm gonna select English here..." Kitty said, choosing English.

After that, the next screen read:

**GAMES WANTED!**

**We will sell your original**   
**S-NES games. (1/3 of the gross**   
**profit will be yours)** **We welcome games of any kind**   
**so please send us your floppy.**   
**We will contact you after**   
**careful considerations.**

"Okay, whose mind was it to include a disclaimer in a video game?" Kitty raised her eyebrow.

"Must be the uggos who made this." MacArthur smirked.

"Like we don't need to be told what to do before playing a video game." Kitty groaned.

And yet, another disclaimer appeared:

**Will you like to sell our**   
**products at your store?**   
**We are looking for dealers**   
**worldwide. We will heavily**   
**discount orders for more**   
**than 50 pieces. Please ask us**   
**for details.**

"Wow, those bastards are desperate for attention." MacArthur smirked again.

"Ugggh, can we please get on with the game already?" Kitty sighed, feeling a little stressed out. "I had enough rules as it is. It's like listening to my sister!"

After that, the company's address appeared:

**HAPPY SOFTWARE LTD.**

**3F-324.7-12-1**   
**Nishi-Shinjuku Shinjuku**   
**TOKYO, JAPAN**

"Great, now they show their address in a game." Kitty groaned. "Can they at least let me start the game?"

"This is slower than an animal fuckin' defecating." MacArthur groaned.

After the address was shown, the title screen appeared, showing an image of Jackie Chan and Deng Xiaoping's big head wearing over a poorly painted gray texture. Kitty was by far disturbed by the screen itself.

"Okay, since when did Jackie Chan ever get into this game?" Kitty raised her eyebrow.

"I heard the same thing myself playing Mortal Kombat." MacArthur nodded. "I think all of the fighters in the game look like Jackie Chan at some point."

Finally, Kitty started the game, which she saw this storyline:

**_The year 1997 has arrived._ **   
**_A herd of fuckin' ugly reds_ **   
**_are rushing from the_ **   
**_mainland._ **

"Whoa, since when did a Super Nintendo game ever pull off the F-word?" Kitty gasped.

"Okay, I have never seen that happen before." MacArthur shook her head. "Imagine if you have a 7-year old at home and you have them playing this game and they all see is the F-word in a video game. You'd be getting calls up your ass."

"No doubt." Kitty nodded, before moving on to the next scene, which read:

_**Crime rate has skyrocketded!** _   
_**Hongkong is ruined!** _   
_**Therefore, the Hongkong** _   
_**government called Bruce Lee's** _   
_**relative "Chin"...** _

Suddenly, Kitty stopped to see a picture of Jackie Chan in the lower right screen.

"No way, Jackie Chan's playing Bruce Lee's relative?!" Kitty reacted.

"Talk about creepy." MacArthur nodded, drinking Pepsi from her cup.

"You said it." Kitty nodded, before continuing to read the story.

_**...for the massacre of the reds.** _   
_**Chin is a killer machine.** _   
_**Wipe out all 1.2 billion of  
the red communists!** _

"Wait a minute, I gotta kill off the entire population of China?" Kitty gasped. "Oh, crap."

"No kidding!" MacArthur nodded. "That's gonna take us a whole frickin' year to beat this."

"I'm pretty sure they're joking around." Kitty smirked.

And then, they moved on to the last screen of the game, which showed a picture of Deng Xiaoping colored in dark blue.

_**However, in mainland China** _   
_**there was a secret project** _   
_**in progress! A project to** _   
_**transform the deceased Tong** _   
_**Shau Ping into an ultimate** _   
_**weapon!** _

"Okay, so this guy's name is Tong Shau Ping, I guess." Kitty commented.

"Looks like Owen's entire asshole painted blue." MacArthur smirked.

Suddenly, a huge laugh broke between the two girls. MacArthur's bad joke actually struck a chord around Kitty like that really meant something. It was a good thing Owen wasn't here for this, otherwise he would have been offended real easily.

After shedding a tear full of laughter, the game finally started.

The first thing that popped up was an old Coca-Cola logo from 1993.

"Okay, why is my guy walking on a Coca-Cola sign?" Kitty replied. "Is that even supposed to be the background?"

"Huh, it's like they can't even find a decent place to put on the first level." MacArthur smirked. "They definitely must be on dope to put a logo for the background."

"Believe me, I think they were a lot more on dope." Kitty nodded.

On the screen, a bunch of Chinese soldiers started coming down on Chin, as he immediately fired away at him with his back turned against him.

"This is weird, my guy's shooting from behind." Kitty raised her eyebrow.

"Interesting," MacArthur replied. "I tried it once, accidentally shot Sanders right in the ass. We had to take 12 stitches just to close the bullet wound."

"Sounds like a bitch for sure." Kitty nodded.

While Kitty's character kept on murdering the Chinese soldiers one by one, she noticed the backgroung music playing over and over in one annoying five-second loop. Every time, the song kept on playing a sample of the song, "I Love Beijing, Tiatenmen". As catchy as MacArthur and Kitty found it, it soon got old.

"Ugh, does that song ever shut up?" MacArthur groaned.

"It keeps going like that for five fuckin' seconds," Kitty groaned as well. "There's no way you can turn it off."

"Well, whoever dopehead made this without turning off the music definitely got retarded." MacArthur smirked.

After Kitty wasted away about 30 soldiers, the screen turned to dark pink as the villain of the game, Tong Shau Ping, appeared.

Kitty got frightened immediately as his big giant head with blood dripping out of his neck popped up out of nowhere.

"Yikes, that's scary!" Kitty exclaimed. "Is that what the villain looks like?"

"Yeah, he never looked so retarded." MacArthur smirked again.

Not taking any chances, Kitty fired away non-stop at the big-headed boss, who was charging after her. Kitty ended up mashing the buttons really fast, hoping she could get this over and done with. This was definitely do or die for Kitty. There was no time to rest at all or get a sip of the Pepsi that MacArthur brought home.

Kitty needed to beat Tong Shau Ping. Period!

"Take that, you big-headed bitch!" Kitty shouted to the screen. "Ugh, and I just wish that song would quit playing so damn much!"

"You're telling me," MacArthur nodded. "My farts sound better than the music itself."

After a minute of shooting at the boss, the villain finally died as mini-pictures of atomic bombs started flashing over the defeated enemy. Kitty was quite surprised that she beat the boss in a very surprising, yet very easy game.

"Wow, I can't believe I've already beaten the game so fast." Kitty gasped.

"Wow, I gotta admit, but that was way too easy." MacArthur chuckled.

"Yeah, who would've thought?" Kitty shrugged.

However, as Tong Shau Pin disappeared, more Chinese soldiers began appearing down the screen, indicating that the game wasn't over yet.

"What? There's more?!" Kitty gasped in shock. "How in the name of fuck is this not over yet?"

Suddenly, MacArthur began reading the instruction manual to the game, trying her best to help Kitty out.

"It says in the manual that you need to kill 1.2 billion people in order to complete the entire game." MacArthur read the rules carefully.

"Oh shit, that'll take forever!" Kitty groaned. "I don't know if I can it as long as-"

However, Kitty was cut off by a red-wearing Communist, who quickly came down from nowhere and killed her character quickly.

"WHAT?! I LOST?!" Kitty shouted.

"Yeah, you just did." MacArthur smirked again.

The next image gave Kitty the shivers.

That, of course, was the game over screen in which the picture of an actual dead body filmed in August of 1992 was shown. And it was covered by big bold Chinese letters, alongside some text on the lower right that said, "Chin's DEAD!".

"My goodness!" Kitty gagged. "Is that guy actually... dead...?"

"Okay, that's just sick." MacArthur cringed. "I think I threw up a bit in my mouth."

Thankfully, the picture was long gone, which was followed by end credits of the game.

"What? I died one time and that's frickin' it?" Kitty gasped. "Oh, screw that!"

Seeing how Kitty slammed her remote in frustration, MacArthur managed to recapitalize on the opportunity to trying to beat the game with her hands on the controller.

"Heh, it sucks to be you, Kitty." MacArthur nodded. "Now that your time is up, it's MacArthur time now! Watch how a real champion knows what real shooters are all about!"

MacArthur then took the controller away from Kitty and pressed start. Once again, the screen brought off the language select screen in which she chose English. And then, the disclaimer was displayed yet again.

"Ugggh, I don't wanna see this again! I just wanna get to the game already!" MacArthur groaned.

"I can't believe we have to sit through the whole fuckin' introduction again!" Kitty groaned as well.

"Introduction, my ass!" The police cadet scoffed.

After passing through the disclaimer and brief storyline, MacArthur finally started playing the game. Of course, it was the same thing: Trying to shoot down as many Chinese soldiers who come down the screen. The background was more different, now having a picture of old Chinese leader Mao Zedong instead of the mid-90's Coca-Cola logo.

"That's right! Eat lead, ya commie bastards!" MacArthur shouted at the TV. "I don't care if there are 1.2 million of ya, I'll still take all your asses down!"

Suddenly, when MacArthur's character moved to the right, a limo came running in, killing her character instantly with one hit!

"ARE YOU FUCKIN' KIDDING ME?!" MacArthur yelled in anger. "I FUCKIN' DIED WITH ONLY ONE HIT?!"

"The same thing's been happening to me as well." Kitty nodded.

Once again, the picture of the dead body was shown with "Chin's Dead!" written on the lower right once more.

"THAT'S JUST GODDAMN PERFECT!" The police cadet growled. "NOW I GOTTA START ALL THE WAY AT THE FUCKIN' BEGINNING! AND I WISH SOMEONE WOULD JUST CUT THAT FUCKIN' MUSIC OFF!"

"I don't know where you go to even do that." Kitty shrugged.

Furiously, MacArthur ended up going through the same process: language select screen, disclaimer, title screen, storyline, than game. This time, MacArthur was pissed as hell itself. Gripping the controller tightly and hardly, MacArthur muttered something so fierce with her teeth grinding:

"I swear, if I have to fuckin' die one more time, I'll..."

_**Moments later...** _

MacArthur chucked the game out the window. And then, the police cadet brought out her gun and started shooting rapidly at a copy of _Hong Kong 97_ to dust. By then, the cartridge was nothing more than a darkened smidge.

"UGGGGH, WHAT KIND OF BUTTFUCKS MADE THIS STUPID GAME ANYWAY?!" MacArthur screamed at herself. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ALWAYS FUCKIN' DIE WITH ONE HIT AND THEN START ALL OVER! AND THAT DAMN STUPID JINGLE IS STARTING TO PLAY AROUND MY FUCKIN' HEAD! WHY CAN'T I GET IT OFF? WHOEVER IS PLAYING THIS STUPID GAME AROUND THE WORLD SHOULD TAKE A FUCKIN' SHIT ON IT, BECAUSE IT'S THE WORST... GAME... EVEERRRRRRR!"

MacArthur completely lost it head-on. Steam was literally coming out of her ears like a locomotive. There was no one helping her contain MacArthur's anger and that's the way she wanted it.

After staring down the dead copy of Hong Kong 97, she heard Kitty's voice behind her.

"Hey, I found a copy of _Super Mario World_ in the box!" Kitty exclaimed. "Wanna give it a try?"

"Sure, why not? After all, any game is better than fuckin' _Hong Kong 97_." MacArthur shrugged calmly.

Both MacArthur and Kitty were relieved that they didn't wanna play a shitty game like _Hong Kong 97_ anymore. No one should have to play this god-awful piece of buttdump, and with MacArthur's big giant words being shouted at the sky, that kind of advice should be taken to use for sure.

Seriously.

**Author's Note:**

> I agree with the girls. Any game is definitely better than Hong Kong 97. Mario, Sonic, Pac-Man, Legend of Zelda, Donkey Kong, StarFox, every sports game and every WWE game are waaaaay better than Hong Kong 97. Heck, even every crappy LJN game that was released for the NES is much better than Hong Kong 97. Don't believe me, check out the Angry Video Game Nerd's review on it on YouTube, and you'll see the exact point.
> 
> Anyway, feedbacks are welcome! Until next time, this is UltimateWarriorFan4Ever signing off for now! PEACE!


End file.
